Nothing could dampen my excitement for the first episode of the new season. It'll be awesome, right? Has to be, right? Right?
Well... hmmm.
Time has fast forwarded, so we are now several months away from the Woodbury Incident. The Governor is still out there; Michonne is taking pony rides off into the suburbs and incorporating a manhunt into her supply gathering.
But otherwise, the Prison is a changed place. There are crops and people, and schedules and jobs, and basically it's Little Woodbury. We immediately learn that Rick is now Farmer Rick, his days of being an A-grade copper behind him. We learn that Darryl is now Hero Darryl to the community, much beloved despite his crass "let me lick my fingers before I shake yer hand" handshakes. Carol is full of confidence. Maggie and Glenn are still blissfully in love/lust.
Speaking of, as we rejoin our TWD gang, we learn that the today there will be a supply gathering mission, and guess what Maggie needs? That's correct. Despite having knifed Lori open in order to facilitate her childbirth, Maggie is inexplicably open to the possibility of being pregnant.
That is fucking stupid, and instantly disappointing. It makes me suspect that Maggie is a total idiot, or worse, the writers of this show are total idiots. I don't think any rational human being, having witnessed the murdery C-section of Lori last year, would seriously consider putting herself into the identical scenario. So WTF? Could the writers truly be so one-dimensional regarding the purpose of female characters on this show? Again and again, TWD trips up on its portrayals of the lady-types, reducing them to empty vessels through which stimulate the ethical and psychological development of its male characters. Lame sauce. Lame sauce, I say.
Whatever. Everyone wants to go on this run, especially new characters. I am somewhat put off by how many of them there are. But I guess half the cast were killed off last year, and so TWD must hurry to fill the void. I find myself wondering how the show will function without the characters whose stories I enjoyed following. Bob the Army Medic seems a little too eager to earn my affection, as does Karen, who Tyrese is flirting with. Tyrese, who was in all of three episodes last year, is apparently now a major character. It's too soon, TWD. Too soon.
Rick has no interest in foraging in town. He'd rather stay behind and wander the woods with a knife, which is sort of weird. But then again. People seem to be treating Rick with velvet gloves these days. He is apparently not involved with the Council - no longer making the life-or-death calls. Given his history of going mildly insane in Season 3, probably a good call to let him farm away his grief (though his pigs are dying, not a good sign).
But oh lord. Rick runs into, of all things, an Irish lady in the woods! I am quickly rolling my eyes because I suspect this sub-plot will boil down to a heavy-handed "illumination" of Rick's state of mind. Either that, or we get a new character with a cool accent! Rick tells her, quite ominously, that she must answer three riddles in order to join Little Woodbury. Sorry, three questions. The first, presumably, "Are you the Governor?"
Over on the supply run, we're all waiting for things to go to hell (see the episode's title). Bob passes by the wine and beer aisle, first resisting its siren song but slowly wheeling his mini-mart cart back to its array of Ikea bookshelf display cases. He fondles a bottle of wine for a very long time. Then, I swear to god, he shudders before guiltily setting it back on the shelf and moving on. It's a strangely eroticized scene, which I guess cues us to immediately discern his battles with alcoholism. Anyway, Divine Intervention breaks in and punishes him for his near naughtiness, as the roof collapses and a shit-ton of zombies invade. Much fighting sequences. All I recall about them: a rather gratuitous shot of a zombie splatting on the floor.
Back to Rick! He has followed Irish Girl - let's call her Clare or Erin or Kathleen or something - back to her camp in the woods. It's just a tent - how is she defending herself from Walkers, I wonder, until I remember that logic has nothing to do with this program.
It turns out her husband is just a zombie head in a bag, and she goes nuts for some reason. She attempts to stab up the Rick, but then... stabs herself? I mean, this is all after a lot of semi-profound talk about having to make regrettable decisions in order to stay alive, which obviously resonates with Crazy Ricky. She is a pessimist to the end, remarking that "You don't get to come back from the things you've done." Which is really, really weird, considering that she tells Rick she hasn't actually killed anyone before, so why the hell is she so guilt-wracked? She also claims to want to be with her husband, in which context her suicide again makes no sense. Isn't she already with him? I mean, he's a head in a bag, but am I to presume that she wishes to be with him as a zombie? I guess that I'm over thinking this. Exit Erin Go Bragh. Cue Rick looking tormented.
Back in the prison, Carol is teaching children to stick the Walkers. For some reason this is illicit, and Carl sees it happening and seems really put off. Even though it is completely practical that everyone would learn how to defend themselves. There is a nerd child in the background - the same guy who shook Darryl's licky-hand earlier - and he excuses himself as sick.
Aaaaaand then he dies, in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Uh oh! Credits roll.
At the show's conclusion, I sit back in my chair and feel somehow cheated. Awesomeness did not occur in the season premiere. My overriding emotion is irritation and confusion. I miss Shane.
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